I've been busy...

I’ve been busy…

Too busy to post on my blogspot

Too busy to post on my tumblr

Too busy to call my family

Too busy to eat properly

Too busy to workout

Too busy to focus in class

Too busy to think about the future

…just busy

The last three months have literally passed by like a blur. I’m not sure when I got to this point; where I was no longer present in my day-to-day activities but this week I realized, and it frightened me. I’ve started packing…yes again. I’m moving. I’m graduating. I’m leaving Florida, the state I’ve called home for about ten years.

But back to me being busy…

I’m not sure what I’ve been doing. I can’t recall when the hours started the blend, the days started to melt away and when my weeks started flying pass me, but now they are gone and all that I’m left with is a countdown.

I use to love the countdown. I loved when it first started and it was 3 months, 90 plus days counting weekends. Then things got crazy and the countdown became an enemy that haunted me…7 days until the GRE…2 weeks until my conference presentation…20 days until my honors thesis is due…37 days until graduation.

37 days until everything changes…

Ramble over…I’ve got packing to do…

Good Reads!

When you read a good blog post that naturally brings a smile to your face then it is necessary   that you share it. The blog post below from TheFreshXpress is one such post. It was a great read to go over as I ate my pita bread stuffed with roasted bell peppers and tempeh last night.

And exert is below, but you gotta (yes gotta) read the whole post for the full effect.

“The very nature of a black man is to love a black woman. I’ve come to realize it after that experience. He can love any woman, but not to the degree he can love a black woman. I state this with no reservation and remorse for those it might offend. For that brief moment I loved her hair, because it was the very hair that grew out of my own head. I loved her skin, because it was the same skin that covered my flesh. I saw her as the mother of my children, because I knew when I looked at their faces I wouldn’t be able to see my half or hers. I would only see us. At that moment I loved myself more because I was looking at everything that makes me amazing. I could never love a woman of another race that way”

Another New Year

With January 1^st  rapidly approaching I began thinking about what the last year has meant for me academically, emotionally, romantically, spiritually and physically. The last year has been busy and I must admit that I’m tired. I’ve always had a sankofa mentality when it came to life, so for me the best way to plan for next year would be to reflect on last year for all its highs and lows.

Academically:

I have definitely grown within my academic sphere. I’ve fallen in love with anthropology and archaeology to the point where it is difficult for me to see me doing anything else. Next year seems just as promising. In addition to my completion of my African American Studies minor, I’m crossing my fingers and hopefully by the summer I’ll be writing blog post from Tanzania (the thought of it excites me! I’ll keep you posted).

I’ll be graduating next year!!!! It is so scary to write, but I guess we all have to move on at some point right? So in less than 365 days I should be a graduate…that is if everything goes according to plan…and let’s face it, plans have a funny way of changing. Needless to say I’m excited to start my graduate school applications. All the schools I’m applying too are up north and have harsh winters that I’m not sure I can deal with… me and thermal underwear were never friends.

Emotionally/ Romantically:

I have always been a rather emotionally unstable person, I’m happy (or am I unhappy) to admit that that still hasn’t changed much. I can’t help but have my heart speak before mind does. Romantically, no big changes have occurred. I have come to the realization that I do like to be in intimate relationships, but thankfully not enough to put myself second in my life journey.

Spiritually:

I’m dedicating this coming year to being more in tune with my spiritual self. I’m excited and will keep you posted!

Physically:

I’ve dedicated the most this year to my physical self and being more in tune with myself by simply showing my body some love by taking care of it. In turn this has really positively affected me emotionally and spiritually. At first the changes that I wanted to make were purely for physical fitness but it soon became this holistic pursuit for balance in my life. Next year the pursuit will continue!

So what will be in store for next year? I have no idea… does anyone ever really know? Nope! I can just plan and be prepared with the knowledge of my past to face the changes that are ahead.

Peace 

A Love Affair

I am currently engaged in a love affair with Anthropology. Our relationship started in the summer of 2009 and I’ve been hooked ever since. It whispered in my ear sweet paradigms of thought that preached diversity and diffusion.  The first side it reviled to me drugged my insides with tales of culture and eroticized Others. I was in a haze. It knew this and took advantage of the situation. It grasped me by the hips and we started dancing in the dirt.

 Archaeology was… intriguing.

The dirt would kiss my hands and the objects would sing songs about people long past; people who were waiting to be heard and stories that were waiting to be told. Histories were waiting to be constructed, reconstructed, and deconstructed. We got dirty together and I liked it. And I loved that I liked it, because it brought me happiness.

However, happiness comes and goes.  When Anthropology began to divulge its past and creation to me my heart felt weak.  How could I love something that codifies otherness built on xenophobia and xenophobia’s friend, racism? It told me not worry. Told me that its past endorsement of colonial powers was gone. It lied. It still shows that ugly side every now and then, but I’ve told myself to only see the beauty. Only see the strength that dwells in its soul not the destruction it can cause.

Now, when we dance it isn’t as graceful. The lithe rhythms have been replaced with hard stances attempting to flow like water. I’m constantly questioning my love now and all it does is provide more questions instead of answers. The emotion felt isn’t happiness all the time, but it is stability. Our relationship is an  ebb and flow of knowledge, constantly changing yet is balanced.

Self Is

"Self is. Self is body and bodily perception. Self is thought, memory, belief. Self creates. Self destroys. Self shapes. Self adapts. Self invents its own reasons for being" - Parable of the Talents

Anyone who knows me personally knows I have a sweet and positive obsession with Octavia Butler. For those of you who don’t know, she’s basically the black matriarch in science fiction/ speculative fiction writings. The first work I read by her was Dawn. I fell in love.

My favorite work is the Parable series; which includes Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents. The quote I’ve opened this entry with is my favorite from the series. It has become a testament that explains my current perspective in regards to myself and the space I occupy in the universe.

“Self is”. We exist. We exist physically and metaphysically. Our perception of ourselves is based on “thought, memory, and belief.” We are shaped by our experiences in the world. What we remember and what we choose to forget or silence shapes us body and bodily. “Self creates. Self destroy. Self shapes. Self adapts. Self invents its own reason for being.” Self is constantly changing. Change is both progression and digression. These changes shape our being.

I am currently going through a progressive phase in my life, where I’ve begun to understand what self is and how self is shaped. In order for me, and for that matter anyone, to truly come to terms with themselves they need to understand and conceptualize their life experiences thus far (thought, memory, belief). This is my first quest: coming to terms with my past and understanding how it shapes what I’ve determined as my present and what I hope for my future. It’s a sankofa mentally at heart.

Ramble over.

-Peace  

Being Full of Yourself

I’m full of myself. Not in an arrogant kinda way. I’m full of all my good and bad qualities to the point that I’ve begun to spill over into the minds of others. People usually think being “full of yourself” is negative. I, on the other hand, don’t. To me, being full of myself means that I’ve embraced every aspect of my body and soul; both negative and positive. It’s a wonderfully empowering feeling.


Once you become full of yourself, there is no space for anything other than you. Your mind and body can’t become corrupt with the negative ideas of others. The socialization of your mind ends. Everything in you becomes who you truly are. Like I said, its wonderfully (yes wonderfully) empowering.


I'm starting a list of those who are full of themselves:

1) Sade

2) Jill Scott

3) Erykah Badu

4) Alice Walker

5) bell hooks


add to it!!

Forgetting the “Veg” in Vegetarian

I’ve been a fish eating vegetarian all my life (pescatarian). Only in the last two months have I truly become a reformed vegetarian cutting out all sea food and embracing various vegetables in my diet.

Growing up I only liked two vegetables: spinach and broccoli. Everything else was out of the question. That left lots of space for junk foods. My lack of vegetables and over consumption of junky processed foods left my body nutrient depleted. I literally became a non-vegetable-eating vegetarian. Sounds crazy right?

I was a meatless, vegetableless, dairy loving vegetarian who was always fatigued, slightly over weight, and comforted by marshmallows. That equation didn’t add up to a healthy life style. I decided towards the end of spring this year that I was going to change. Climbing slowly, but surely, towards the 200 pound mark was enough for a wake up call.

I make a point to mention that I’m a broke college student often, and I’m going to say it again.

I’m a broke college student, from a lower middle class family who found that 76 cent bean burritos loved my wallet more than healthy foods did. My freezer was filled with red and green Morning Star, and Boca Burger boxes (more on that later). My pantry was filled with sweet treats that gave sugar rushes in the afternoon and crashes towards night. I had begun to sacrifice my health to save a buck or two.

This summer, besides getting dirty and sweaty at an archeology dig (more on that later), I made a major shift in my eating habits. I emptied out my pantry of sweets and discarded the remains of my Morning Star and Boca boxes. I ate fresh fruits, vegetables and cut back on everything with ingredients I couldn’t pronounce and artificial dyes.

I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m satisfied with my progress. Fresh herbs, spices, vegetables, and fruits have never tingled my senses the way they do now. I’m making strides towards veganism and these baby steps are helping me get there.

End of the year goals:

1) Buy only organic vegetables and fruits to avoid pesticides.

2) Experiment with different grains

3) Have fun with various teas and flavors

4) Stop eating cheese (Hardest one)

5) Invest in vegan and vegetarian cookbooks

Urban Flower Child?

What does it mean to be an Urban Flower Child?

It means being the wildflowers that grow along the streets. It means being the vines that creep up the skyscrapers. It means being the weeds that crack the sidewalk. The Urban Flower Child is the constant reminder to the busy world that surrounds her that life should be taken as a breeze. Like the wildflowers, vines, and weeds the Urban Flower Child is a symbol of Earth’s natural beauty. The pavement may close us in. The brick buildings may push us up and the concrete sidewalks may try to cover us, but we live. We break through and live our free spirited lives against the obstacles that try to obscure us.

Sometimes people don't want the wildflowers, vines, and weeds. Some people want to pave over the wildflowers. Some want to cut down the vines. Some people want to kill the weeds. Some people just don’t want to be reminded of the connection we have to nature; and ultimately to earth. Some people would rather be encased in their man made heaven when the wonders of Earth are right outside waiting for them. It’s the job of the Urban Flower Child to remind others.

I named this blog Urban Flower Child, because I want this space to act as the wildflowers, vines, and weeds. I want this space to remind others of the beauty and simplicity of life. But, I also want to remind others of the beauty of nature, I want to uproot sidewalks with discussions on current events, and line buildings with talks of music and fashion. As a broke college student, I strive to make the most of my life on the simplest of terms. My happiness is never complicated. I’m an Urban Flower Child.